At no point in my life have I felt a sense of despair more than I’ve know these past several months. Dark and brooding, corrupt in my soul and outlook, all seems bleak. And yet, I know I’ve plenty of company. It’s the way of the world right now, at least this corner of the world. It’s not the obvious obnoxious engines of blackness I can point the finger at that are driving this despair, the endless anger and divisive nature of politics roaring around us, nor is it the self-serving meat grinder of the so called “social media.” Narcissus and his reflection sucking the life out of us all as we sing the opera of Me, Me, Me. It’s not those, it’s something deeper this despair. Would it were so simple to unplug from Facebook or Twitter, and pledge to not watch Fox News or CNN. That would seem like an obvious and quick fix, but no, this hair-shirt rawness has metastasized into my flesh and bones.
If this seems bleak to you, know that it is. And yet, I feel no panic at ending my life or running away to the woods to live a solitary existence away from the world. It’s a season, a season like any other that you walk through in your life. Many are wonderful, joy filled season of love and discovery, full of light and satisfaction. This season is the opposite of all that. A season that has taken root, and I believe must be acknowledged and endured.
The engine of the human body is amazing. People can live without food for weeks, without water for days, minutes without oxygen, but without hope, we expire quickly. Lately, and despite my knowledge that Christ is on the throne and in control, that Jesus is the way the truth and the life, despite that, I’m dogged by despair and hope evades me. Evil is upon us all. Satan stalks us looking for the least little opening. Be it world-weariness, or worry, busyness or pride, Satan waits to clutch us, and once he does have control, it’s a hard road back. I’m not there, but at times I feel that hot breath on the back of my neck.
Pray for me, that the fragrance of Christ and his love will return quickly. I’ll pray for you too, knowing that many of us right now share this sinking raft. All is not lost, and God is good. I’m just a little twisted just like you and am seeking prayer to find my way back home to Jesus.